'Hello', says the Stevie Nicks Pervert, sticking out his hand to her for the first time.

       (It is is one fifth of a second since the start of the universe. The Big Bang is Googling himself. Nothing yet, he notes. He is starting to feel unsung and sweaty.
       It is seven seconds since the start of the universe. The Big Bang has decided to get drunk. He gets up from the sofa and walks into the the kitchen. He makes himself the strongest gin and ginger beer in existence; downs it.
       It is ten seconds since the start of the universe. The Big Bang has wet himself, blacked out. It's hard to know your limits in infinite space and he's actually very small.
       It is four million years since the start of the universe. The Big Bang has his hand down his trousers. He is typing 'lady big bang naked' into Google with his free hand, pressing enter.
       It is four million years since the start of the universe and half of a second since the Big Bang typed 'lady big bang naked' into Google. There are plenty of results, but nothing to his taste. He decides to have a wank over a nova again.
       It is thirteen billion years since the start of the universe. The Big Bang is listening to Radio 4. Two men are discussing the Large Hadron Collider. The Big Bang feels very warm. He feels as if his heart has been yawning, and that someone's just crammed a cake inside it.
       It is thirteen billion years and a bit since the start of the universe. The Big Bang is on the phone. The man at CERN is asking him to come again. The man at CERN is asking if this is a joke.
       'Just make me another one of me. But sexier', the Big Bang is saying.
       'Impossible', says the man at CERN. 'It might end up destroying the universe.'
       'And you can piss off with that, right now', says the Big Bang. 'You owe me.')

       The Finnish girl nods and says, 'Hello.'

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